It's About the Kids

Our family entered the world of foster care in the Fall of 2003. Since that time, we have had 9 children placed in our home and provided short term respite for around 20 other children.

So much has changed in our lives since that first placement.

We have seen scared children dropped off at our home, owning only the clothes on their backs.

We have attended more medical appointments and evaluations than I can count (one child alone had over 250 such appointments while in our care!).

We have helped establish IEP goals for the children in school.

We have cared for two very medically fragile children.

We have worked with numerous counties, caseworkers, CASA's and biological parents.

We have cared for children with more labels than we knew existed: ADD, ADHD, OCD, ODD, eating disorders, "crack baby," PTSD, attachment disorders, fetal alcohol syndrome, poly-drug exposure, MRSA, skin problems, breathing problems, severe visual problems and cognitive delays, to name a few.

We dropped children off at numerous visits with their biological families, some welcomed and some "kicking and screaming" (literally) on the way there.

And we have brought countless children to a scheduled visit with their families, only to be sent back to us after waiting in a lobby for 30 minutes, telling us, "Mom (or Dad) didn't show up again!"

We have endured countless hours of logging daily activities of these children to turn into the foster care agency.

We have agonized as children have had to live in two worlds, "our world" and "their world" at home. Living with us under our parenting principles and morals, yet "visiting" their parents under their world views. Trying to sort out and reconcile some of the comforts and security of living with us, yet their fierce loyalty to their own family.

We have sat through court hearings where decisions were clearly made "in the best interest of the biological parent," not "the best interest of the child," which is why the child was removed from the home in the first place.

We have watched little girls take their first dance lessons, young boys hit their first ball in Little League, teen boys get ready for their first football practice, teen girls make the basketball team and little ones memorize Bible verses for AWANA.

We have been there when a little child woke up from surgery.

We have spent countless hours creating "LifeBooks" for each child, a forever memory and keepsake of pictures to record their time with our family

We have watched two siblings leave our home after living with us for two years. Their new "forever family" snapped them into their van with a little U-Haul attached to bring all their belongings to their new home.

We have watched two kids successfully reunite with their biological parents. We have seen three children get adopted into great Christian homes, ready to start their new lives with their "Forever Family."

And we sat through a court hearing where one of these children became our legal son.

We have seen our biological children learn firsthand about the many injustices in this world and that "family" is not always a safe and loving place or feeling. They have learned to share their space, their things, their parents and their hearts with the many children who have come and gone from our lives.

They watched a young teen Mom as she tried to manage school and an infant son while they went to the movies with their friends. They have seen the consequences of raising children with no boundaries and no consequences. They have seen the impact of being cared for by a mentally ill Mom.

And our oldest, Lauren, is now preparing to go to college next year, to major in Social Work. She has seen firsthand both the benefits and the problems with our child welfare system. And she wants to remain committed to caring for the abused and the neglected.

In one of her college application essays, she responded to the often asked questions of, "How do you guys do it? I could never do foster care. I would get too attached to the kids. I could never give them up." Her heartfelt response? "It is not about how we feel. It is about the kids!"

Our children have developed a real heart for the hurting in this world.

And they have thoroughly embraced, Jameson, their adopted brother.

But with all the many joys and victories we have experienced, there has also been much heartache.

Heartache over children leaving our home only to "age out" of the foster care system and be forever "on their own" and without a family to call their own.

And we have personally experienced the scrutiny of county caseworkers who think we should silently "do what we are told" by "the system," oftentimes to the detriment of the very children we are caring for.

And more recently, we (mostly I) have endured frequent accusations and just plain "viciousness" by biological parents, as they vent out all their anger and frustrations over their present circumstances on us/me and make me the reason they no longer have their children at home with them.

Brutal and mean remarks directed towards my care of their children. Spoken harshly and in front of the children who then have to get back in the car and return to our home.

Words that are hard to erase from my memory. Being played over in my mind as I try to sleep. As I help bathe their children. And read to them. And help them with their homework. And take them to appointments. And pack their lunches. And love them.

These types of gut-wrenching interactions happen all too often in the foster care world.

One of them happened last night and I am still trying to "shake it." Still trying to move on and tell myself they were miss-directed words. Spoken out of utter despair. And regret. And remorse.

Not meant for me.

But still screamed at me. Hurtful words. Unfounded accusations. Painful.

So today, I will trust in the One Who has called me to this life. I will choose to remain steadfast in Him. I will ask Him to help me lovingly care for these children. And to graciously forgive their families who have inflicted so much pain on them and now me.

Today, I will braid the hair of a child who is not my own. I will take her to dance class. And cheerleading practice. I will eagerly wait for another one to come home from her basketball game. I will listen to whatever she is willing to tell me about her day and the game (she won't say much).

Today, I will pay extra attention to my adopted son (the only one whose picture I can post!). I will weather his terrible two tantrums. And toilet training mishaps. And I will savor every time he hugs me and says, "You miss me, Mama. My love you!"

And today, I will heed the words of my wise-beyond-her-years daughter, "It is not about how I feel. It is about the kids."




James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Lord, may my faith be pure and faultless today.