Learning How to Live with "Other"

This journey of adopting a bi-racial child will probably come with lots of wake-up calls throughout the years.

I had one of those yesterday. Jameson and I were at the University of Toledo Hospital, seeing a developmental pediatrician.

After the appointment, we went down to the lab for him to get some blood drawn. While he was not excited about this, he managed just fine!

The hard part, was actually registering him for the blood work! We got in line at the lab registration desk. Jameson was in his stroller (and wanting out of his stroller) and cranky from an already long morning at the doctor's office. The lady registering us was nice and polite (despite Jameson's screams and protests about remaining in the stroller and wanting "fries!").

I gave her his insurance information and my ID. We verified birth dates and home addresses.

After answering all of these simple questions, she then asked me another seemingly simple (and obvious!) question. "What is Jameson's race?"

I replied proudly, "He is bi-racial."

She looked at her computer screen and responded, "I don't have that category."

So a bit confused, I said, "Well, what categories do you have?"

She read the list: "Caucasian, African American, Hispanic, Asian and Other."

After a brief pause, I said in disbelief, "You have no bi-racial category?"

"No," she responded. She looked at her screen for a few more seconds, then looked at me and said, "How about I just put down Caucasian, okay?"

I was shocked! I was insulted for Jameson! I said to the lady, "No, that is not okay! He is obviously NOT Caucasian! I guess you will just have to put him down as 'Other'."

Other! This is my son we are talking about! Growing up in an very White family, he will most likely have lots of feelings and emotions as he gets older. He will have to answer lots of questions for himself and others. He will be stared at, no doubt! And once the "cuteness" of being a toddler wears off, he will most likely get some very rude comments. He will probablyt be discriminated against in many ways. People may be scared of him due to his size and skin color.

My sweet boy will have lots to work through as he grows and establishes his identity.

But having to be listed as "Other" should not be one of them!

We live in a very multi-cultural world! How can most people living in America fit neatly into one of these five categories?!

It was another startling realization for me yesterday. And of all places, I was at a major hospital in Toledo, Ohio! Lucas County, Ohio! As I waited in the various lobbies yesterday, I saw more multi-racial people than people who looked like me.

Come on now, it's time to update these forms to make them match our society! Our community cannot be expected to define themselves by checking off a neat little box. And if a huge portion of our community has to claim themselves as "Other," then we still have a LONG way go!

I grieve for my son. I grieve for all the heartache he will go through when he realizes he was adopted and will never get to know who is biological father is. I grieve for the many injustices that he will face.

Now I need to add something else to my list. I need to grieve for the hundreds of forms, job applications, college applications, etc., that he will have to complete.

We even received a phone call from the Census Bureau a few weeks back wanting to verify the form that Michael had completed and submitted. They again did not have a bi-racial or multi-racial category! They actually put Michael "On Hold," to talk with a supervisor about what to do!

We thought this incident was a "freak accident!" Little did we know it would be the start of something that Jameson will most likely have to endure for years to come. For in these official forms, he will have to add "insult to injury" by claiming himself as "Other."

I sure hope these standard forms will be updated soon - my boy cannot be defined as "Other!" He is, oh, so much more!