Giving Thanks in the Midst of Pain and Sorrow

I tend to be a fairly private person.  While I will easily share about the accomplishments and pride I have for my husband or my children, I am not as quick to share a lot about myself.  Perhaps this stems from being an introvert.  Or maybe just because I prefer to serve and remain "behind the scenes."

Being in the limelight is not something I ever aspire to...

But at times in my life I have felt compelled to share some of my more personal thoughts.  This blog has served as a tool for that.  I am an internal processor, and I am finding that writing often affords me the opportunity to sort through some of my thoughts, passions and feelings.

Often times when I feel compelled to share a "Soapbox" issue like in my previous blog post, I wrestle with whether or not I should actually share these thoughts, or just use them as a way to sort through my own feelings.

However, today, I know I need to share a more in-depth and personal story.  As a Christian, I feel I would be remiss to leave parts of this story untold.  In the Bible, an account is told in Luke 17:11-17, of 10 lepers who were healed by Jesus.  Nine of them probably breathed a sigh of relief, then went on their "healed" way.  But one, only one, returned to his Healer and with a loud voice praised and thanked Him for freeing him of this infectious, painful and isolating disease.

I know that God protected me in a miraculous way on April 30, 2015.  And while I have personally thanked Him countless times in the past several days, I know that I need to thank Him in a more public way.  As an introvert, I am not sure I can find the platform to "loudly" thank Him, as the leper did, but I hope to use this blog to loudly proclaim the great things He has done!

So, first, to back up a bit...On Thursday of last week, I had a refreshing breakfast with our daughter, Lauren.  I had driven to Akron the night before to be present when she received an esteemed award by the National Association of Social Workers, the BSW (Bachelor Social Worker) of the Year for her region.  It was so encouraging for me to see her given this honor and to know that so many others saw in her some of the amazing things I already knew to be true.

After this breakfast, I told her how proud I was (and am) of her, how thankful I was to be there when she received the award and that I looked forward to seeing her again in a week when she would officially graduate.

It was a beautiful, clear day and the ride home was mostly uneventful as I listened to music and thought of the activities of the days ahead.  Traveling from NE Ohio to NW Ohio, the common denominator seemed to be road construction.  It was present every few miles on the turnpike and every few miles the rest of my way home.

I am a fairly cautious, conservative driver.  I am a "rule follower" by nature, so I am always mindful of speed limits and changes in road conditions.  And while I have always kept my cell phone on my lap (for emergencies), I really do not text while driving and I rarely take a phone call on the road.  So as far as I can control, I am a safe driver.

Only 15 minutes from home, as I plotted out what I would do for the next few hours before my other children got home from school, I traveled on the construction laden road (75 Southbound) which in previous weeks had been the source of multiple car accidents.  I was very mindful of this as I passed the town just north of ours.

The next 10 or so seconds could have been a "life-changer."  In fact, they probably should have been. I was driving below the modified "construction zone" speed limit, as a semi truck began passing me to the left.  In an instant, a car that I had not previously seen (and I believe to this day did not see me) abruptly merged into my lane from in front of the semi.

I hit my brakes and in doing so, the right side of my car dropped a couple of inches onto the drop-off of the uneven, and barely present, shoulder of the road.  This caused the van to veer to the right.  I tried to correct, but with a semi truck still to my left, I again swerved to the right.

I was amazingly calm as the van went down the ditch and then back up on the other side.  I do recall hitting my brakes several more times, but to no avail.  The van finally stopped after hitting a fence then, flipping at least one entire rotation and landing with the driver's side on the ground.  I was calm enough to realize I had officially been in an accident.  The two thoughts I had those first few moments were, "Okay, I should turn off the car," and, "I am going to need to tell Michael about this!"  :)

I am more of a pessimist by nature, so it is always helpful for me to intentionally try to see the "positives" in a situation.  As I have spent some time processing the past few days, I have not had to be too intentional about finding the "positives" to this, though.  The many ways I was protected from this potentially fatal accident are blatantly evident to me.

And I feel compelled to share this with our family and the many friends who have prayed for us, offered to help us in tangible ways, and even just communicated that their "thoughts" have been with us.

So here are some of the many "praises" I have in the aftermath of this accident...

• Most obviously, the fact that given the severity of the crash, I remained conscious the entire time and received only a minor scratch on my nose as a physical ramification of this accident.
• No one else was in the car with me
• No other cars were involved in the accident or suffered an accident of their own as a result of my accident 
• The airbags did not deploy (I was fine without them, and have heard that sometimes they can actually add to the physical trauma)
• Not too far from where I landed, there was a small pond, which definitely would have made my "rescue" more difficult had I landed there
• Although I did hit a fence, it was a very flexible one and not one of the many concrete barriers that lined the highway I was on
• My overnight suitcase was in the trunk - since I landed on the driver's side, the foot mats and the contents of most of the car landed on me, but nothing heavier like my suitcase
• At least two bystanders parked and exited their vehicles in an already dangerous, construction-filled area to see if I was okay and to call 911 for me
• My windshield was completely shattered, but not a piece of glass had gotten into the car
• The positioning of the windows and my head were such that I was able to look at the bystanders and eventually, emergency personnel
• One of the bystanders (I wish I knew her name so I could thank her!) was able to see my free hand  pointing to my wedding band and the motion of a phone call.  Using my fingers, she was able to learn Michael's phone number and call him
• Michael frequently does not "hear" his cell phone ringing, as it is usually on the "silent" mode, since it would be ringing continually if he had it "on."  He was running an errand at the time, and although he did not answer right away since it was not a recognizable number, after several more attempts by the woman, he did take the call
• Michael was able to drive to the general area of the crash within minutes of receiving the phone call about the accident
• Immediately after hearing about the accident, he notified a few friends who were able to spread the news via phone calls, texts, email and social media, allowing literally hundreds of people to be praying about the situation, even while I was still trapped in the van
• The amazing and skilled rescue workers at the site.  They were kind, reassuring and so swift and professional.  After breaking through the rear window, one man was able to bring and secure a neck brace on me, help hold my neck up and cover me with blankets so the glass from the windshield and windows would not cut me as they pounded them in.
• It was around 50 degrees outside, making the 45 minute rescue much more bearable both for me and all the emergency personnel (we have had a long, cold winter!)
• The rescuers were able to find my wallet, cell phone, calendar (I would be lost without my calendar!) and the camera I used to take pictures of Lauren the night before - this may seem trivial, but those items were important to me as I waited to be freed from the van!
• To my knowledge, I remained calm and verbally appreciative to all of the rescue workers
• The Bible talks about angels and how God sends them out to help us.  Psalm 91:11,  "For He will give His angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways."  I do not know exactly how this happens, but looking at the roof of the van directly over my head, there must have been an angel there cushioning my head upon impact and the entire time I waited to get out!
  
• Once extracted from the van, I was able to hear and see Michael, letting me know he was there.  I was not even sure if he knew, so seeing him there was such a source of relief and strength for me.  He was even able to see me briefly in the ambulance before it left.  This was such a source of comfort for me, but also for him, as the entire time he was watching the rescuers work to free me, he did not know what condition I was in.
• The two men in the ambulance were so kind and gentle as they worked to check my vital signs, begin treatment and monitor my condition before arriving at the hospital.
• The swift care of the Trauma Unit once I arrived at the hospital.  Even though it felt overwhelming to have so many of them poking and prodding me and asking me questions I felt too weary to answer, they were able to quickly complete all of the required tests to determine if there were any outward or inward injuries due to the accident.
• God's clear protection of me simply could not be left unnoticed by my medical team.  After receiving the "all clear" to be discharged, my nurse told Michael that in his 11 years working with the unit, he had never seen someone released after an accident such as mine after only a couple of hours.  And the Trauma Surgeon asked me to buy him a lottery ticket, because I was, "One lucky girl!"
• The accident happened while our children were in school.  Michael was able to drive me home, in time to arrive only minutes after our youngest child, Jameson, arrived home and to the care of his older brothers.
• Michael's boss cleared his scheduled so he could be home with me for the remainder of the day and weekend.

The accident was by no means a pleasant experience.  Several days later, I am still quite sore, am pretty emotional and get anxious thinking about what happened.  The police officer issued me a citation for "operating a vehicle without reasonable control."  Our local newspaper ran a 2nd page article with a picture about it the day after the accident.  While mentioning that I was cited for the accident, it offered no explanation about the car that suddenly cut me off the road.

Although our van was getting older, it was still fully functioning for us, and we will now need to purchase a new one much sooner than we were anticipating.  There have been the hassles of working through insurance details and renting a vehicle for me to use.  Michael has graciously worked with our insurance company and fielded some of the many phone calls and emails we have received from friends and family.

But these struggles are merely inconveniences, when I really think about it.  

I have been given more time to be with my family. We have all felt the love and support from family, friends, our church and even strangers.  Yes, this was a tragic and traumatic ordeal.  But it could have been so, so much worse!

I am mindful of that.  And I am convinced that it was not just, "luck," as many would believe.  As Michael mentioned in some of his writings regarding the accident, "Our family's definition of L.U.C.K. has always been, "Living Under Christ's Kindness."

I am still trying to find the balance in being thankful for the many blessings in all of this, while also allowing myself to grieve what did happen.  I still have a flood of emotions that I know I will need to continue working through. 

But I want to wrestle with those under the backdrop of loudly praising God for what He has done!