Brown Happenings: Our Adoption Journey with Jameson

Tomorrow, our assistant pastor, Craig Flack, will be preaching on God's call to care for orphans. Caring for orphans, widows, the poor and aliens/strangers is mentioned some 3,000 times in the Bible. And in the book of James, it goes so far as to say, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27)

As I prepare my heart for sharing about our journey at church tomorrow, I realize that I have never fully written it out. While much of this blog is about adoption and foster care in general and Jameson in particular, I have never shared his story...

Over a decade ago, Michael and I felt the strong desire to become actively involved in caring for orphans. We decided to become licensed foster parents with the intent of providing a safe, stable and loving home for children in crisis. We did not initially plan to adopt, as we already had four amazing and active children. But we desired to be there for children while they were waiting to be reunited with their family, move in with relatives or a be placed in a new adoptive home.

But that was before we met Jameson!

We had been caring for two siblings, (a 5 year old boy and a 3 year old girl) for about 10 months. We received a phone call from our county caseworker early in the morning on April 10, 2008. He called to tell us that these children's mother had just had a baby. She had tried to keep the pregnancy and birth hidden from the caseworkers, for fear that the baby would be taken from her, too.

Michael and I had frequently talked about not wanting to take in a foster baby. We were pretty stretched with our four, plus these additional two children. These six children ranged in age from 3 to 15 years old. Michael was in the middle of both directing a campus ministry at BGSU and pursuing his Masters in Ministry at Moody Bible Institute. We were pretty worn out.

But the caseworker assured us that the baby would only be with us for a few months. The initial plan was that this baby would get tagged onto his half-siblings case plan and all three would be going up for adoption in a few months.

Michael and I only had a couple of hours to make our decision, as the little boy was about to be discharged from the hospital. We took a big step of faith and agreed to care for him for what we thought was going to be a few months. We quickly contacted some neighbors and friends from church to borrow a bassinet, some clothes, etc. We no longer had any baby things, so we were in need of them right away.

The first few months were quite a whirlwind for all of us! I may not have carried this little boy in my womb, but I quickly felt some of the inadequacies and fears much like any other postpartum Mom!

Soon after his arrival in our home, it was determined that he had a different father than the other siblings in our care. This necessitated him having a whole new case plan, which would include a year of trying to prepare his Birth Mother for reunification. So we had a very busy year ahead of us. His half siblings had many developmental delays and the little girl was extremely medically fragile.

Jameson (not the given spelling of his name, but how we changed it once we adopted him) was a pretty fussy baby. He did not like to be held, he slept poorly, especially during the day, he startled very easily and he exhibited some delays in development (not growth - he has always been a big boy!).

We went through a gamut of testing for him, as well as enrolled him in physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy and an Early Intervention Program. He also needed to wear a cranial band (helmet) for several months to help re-shape his very flat head and allow for optimal brain growth.

During this first year, Jameson had a few months of supervised visits with his Birth Mom and eventually several months of unsupervised visits lasting for a number of hours each time.

But apart from these visits, he spent all of his time with us. We were blessed to be an active part of all of his milestones, something for which we are so thankful, even to this day!

In time, his half-siblings left our home to be adopted by their "Forever Family" in Virginia. But Jameson stayed with us. To be honest, his Birth Mom really did try to do the things she needed to do to get him back in her permanent care. She showed up at some of his therapy sessions and never missed a scheduled visit.

But as he approached his first birthday, it became apparent to the county as well as his Birth Mom that she would not be able to care for him permanently.

I will never forget the day that Jameson had his final visit with his Birth Mom. I was an emotional mess. We met in a lobby of the county office and she was taken back to a room to be with him for about 20 minutes. When the visit was over, she walked over to me and handed him to me. I gave her one of his favorite blankets and a photo book I had made of his first year. I assured her that wherever he went, he would be in a very loving home and would be told how much his Birth Mother loved him!

She was pretty unemotional (especially compared to me) and just walked out the door. I cried the whole drive home. I knew what a significant moment this was for Jameson. I knew the significance of what just took place and I grieved for him as I thought of all the questions he would have about his birth parents in the future.

We really did not intend to adopt Jameson, We were planning to care for him for a few months. But clearly God had other plans for him and for us. We realized that we were the only family he knew. Our other children had been a part of all of his milestones. They showered him with love, attention and their time,

We knew he was not born a Brown, but he had become one in our hearts. We went through a few month process of getting licensed to adopt him (our license had only been for fostering, not adopting), everything from a new Home Study to lots of paperwork to be processed in Columbus.

Towards the end of February 2010, we learned that Jameson's adoption date would be March 15, 2010. We quickly arranged for a huge party in our home and rejoiced as our family went to the Wood County Courthouse to finalize his adoption. It was a day I will never forget! With the strike of the judge's gavel, Jameson legally became what we had already known him to be - our son! (See March 2010 blog posts for more about that special day!)

It really is an amazing story. We still marvel at the difference it will make for Jameson to be in our family as opposed to remaining with his Birth Mother. The experiences, the style of parenting, the siblings - everything was so different. And we firmly believe the course of his life and the life of his children for generations to come were radically altered when we chose to open up our home and our hearts to him!

We are so thankful that we made a quick decision to take him in as a newborn. We are thankful that he has always lived with us, making the transition to being adopted such a natural one for him. We are so thankful for the joy he has brought to our family! He is one well-loved (and spoiled) little guy! He has opened up a whole new world for us.

A world that includes parenting a child with special needs, and one whose race is different than our own. He has given us a whole new understanding of the "Nature vs. Nurture" argument. He keeps us daily asking the Lord for creative help in parenting him and some of his special needs. But he has also brought much laughter to our lives, as he shares his famous (and daily) one-liners!

We cannot imagine our lives without him. While many people may look on other foster and adoptive families and marvel at how "lucky" the child is to be in that family, we know we needed him as much as he needed us! Our family would not be the same without him, and I am so thankful that his Birth Mother chose life, and chose to relinquish him to a family who could better care for his needs.